Parties are great. Staying home is great. You’d think that combining the two would be a no brainer, but you’d be wrong. The second you get the misguided urge to host your own party, you instantly robbed yourself of anything enjoyable about said party. The stress starts immediately, as you wait anxiously for people to show up and dread the prospect that nobody is coming because everyone hates you. When people finally do come, you begin a weird process of soul searching. What does it say about you that these are the people who showed up? Why did the people who aren’t here bail? Everything at this party is a reflection on you.
You’d think you’d be able to drown these thoughts out by…you know…partying. Unfortunately, as the host you don’t actually get to have fun. Instead you take on the role of camp counselor, bending over backwards to ensure that everyone is having the times of their life. They daned to come to your home and drink your alcohol. You OWE them. If they aren’t having fun for one second, you’ve failed because, like I said, everything is a reflection on you.
By the time everyone leaves, your too tired to clean so you just leave the mess for the morning…or so you think. In reality, your apartment never fully recovers until you decide it’s time for another party, because you’re an idiot who pays no mind to the mistakes of the past. You tidy up your place to within an inch of it’s life, wait anxiously for people to show up, and the cycle continues.
Every now and then, you and your friends will be bored and decide that you should go on an adventure. For whatever reason, this will 100% of the time end with you guys going for a hike. Don’t ask me why that’s the case, it just is.
Hiking is just walking. Literally there’s no difference. It has the illusion of an activity because it involves a change in scenery and maybe a bagged lunch, but it’s JUST FUCKING WALKING. It’s not even interesting. You think it might be because you’re exploring the wood, but the woods are not that exciting. If you’ve seen one tree you’ve seen them all. The most exciting thing I ever found while hiking was a large boulder. That’s it. Was it cool? Sort of. Was it worth the weird layer of forest scum that remains on my shoes to this day? Absolutely not.
The next time someone says you need a change of pace and suggests going on a hike, you should tell them to go fuck themself. Just stay home. You’ll have a lot more fun watching 30 Rock on Netflix for the 40th time than you will in the forest.
We all need a break sometimes, and those breaks can be hard to find time for. This is the logic behind the weekend trip: A quick getaway, designed to charge your batteries without disrupting your schedule. It sounds great in theory but in practice it never works out how you want it to.
For starters, you spend more time stressed out about planning the trip than you actually spend on vacation. Once you subtract travel time, sleep time, and clean up, you’re only really there for 18 hours. At least three of those hours are spent resting, because you don’t realize how much traveling takes out of you. Add on the two hours people take showering (because for some reason people on vacation are constantly showering) and the time you spend ACTUALLY on vacation is not worth it.
Now you may be saying, “Okay, but any time off is worth it, right?” Wrong! Taking a short vacation is like eating a cube of cheese when you’re hungry: It’s not gonna completely satisfy you, and if anything it’ll make you hungrier! It may be hard to wait, but at the end of the day, you might be better off waiting for an actual meal.
Don’t get me wrong: free time is what I live for. Unfortunately, the old you, the less free your free time feels. Once you start having responsibilities, free time basically becomes get-your-life in-order time. Whereas when you were a kid, Saturday could be spent watching cartoons and searching for prizes in cereal boxes, nowadays they’re spent folding clothes and making your bed, usually while watching the same cartoons you did as a kid on Netflix.
If you do get a moment where you’re truly and completely free, it just makes you feel guilty and antsy. Even though you don’t have anything you need to do, you feel like you’re wasting your life by not doing anything. You’re supposed to be relaxing but it somehow ends up being more stressful than all the shit you do that stresses you out.
It was cool at first, but now it’s just stressful. Back before Facebook came out, home was the place you went to get away from it all. Now there is no escape. Instead of watching TV or reading a book like we used to, our nights are now spent negatively comparing our lives to the lives of our friends and sharing stressful articles about how shitty the world is….Please share this article by the way.